Ask a silly question...

The other day I, somewhat foolishly, asked my husband what he liked the most about me.

I'm not sure why I asked, it was just an idle moment as we were sitting on our bed having a cup of tea. I was playing working on my iPad, he was probably fantasising about playing for Chelsea or something.

"Umm.." he said, thinking hard. "You're... very organised and you get things done."

"Oh," I said, a little surprised. "And what do you like most about your mother?"

"Well," he said, without hesitation. "She's kind and thoughtful and caring..." He trailed off as he saw the look on my face. It's true, by the way, his mother is all of those things. But 'organised'? That's the thing he likes the best about me?

I turned to face him. "So, your mother is kind and caring and thoughtful. And I'm 'organised'."

I could see from my husband's expression that it was slowly dawning on him he'd fallen into a hidden trap where lurked snakes and spiders and nasty things, all put in there by his, somewhat miffed, wife.

"Er... er.. that's not all I like about you, obviously..." he stuttered, wondering how he got into this mess.

In walks Son1 (14).

"Son1," I say. "What do you like most about me?"

"Well," he said, without hesitation. "You're kind and thoughtful and you do lots of stuff for me."

"Dad says that about Grandma," I said. "He said that he liked that I was 'organised'. I think he likes Grandma more than he likes me."

Son1 looks at his Dad and ruefully shakes his head at his father's schoolboy mistake. "That's not very nice. But then, Mum, wouldn't you like me to like you more than I like my wife?"

I considered this for a moment. "I suppose so, yes."

Then Son1 smirks. "At least, that's what I'd tell you."

One of these males has Asperger Syndrome. Right now, I'm not sure it's Son1.

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Communication and Kindness are the Key to Lasting Relationships

A woman I once knew was married three times, and each time she made the same mistakes. She didn't communicate, she kept secrets, she was intolerant to foibles and thus she became dissatisfied.
Now partly, she had rushed into things and probably married the wrong men, but her problem was also that her expectations were too high and when she felt they weren't being lived up to she didn't communicate her unhappiness, she just pulled away. She always thought the grass was greener, when in fact, it was just different. She was in love with the idea of being in a relationship, of being cherished and nurtured and loved and when the man of the moment didn't measure up, she became disillusioned and gradually began to look for her ideal elsewhere. She never found it.
I have learned lessons from this lady. When my husband and I married we decided that there would be no 'no go' areas for discussion, because one 'no go' area becomes two and then three and before you know it you can't talk about anything for risk of umbrage being taken.
Just as importantly, we are kind to each other, forgiving each other's weaknesses, supportive and understanding when one of us is down. I have to say that in the course of our marriage it's my husband who has had to exercise most of the 'patience and understanding' that we pledged on our wedding day. We are two individuals but we operate, especially where our boys are concerned, as one unit, pulling together and backing each other up.
He is my best friend, the handsomest man I know and he can still make me laugh with his dumb jokes. I often think of the Carly Simon song, The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of  "What if the Prince on the horse in your fairytale Is right here in disguise? And what if the stars you've been reaching so high for Are shining in his eyes?"
Now, not every marriage is built to last. People make mistakes, sometimes unforgivable ones. Sometimes the person you marry truly turns out to be someone completely different from the one you thought you'd married, and not in a good way.
At the heart of every lasting, happy relationship there has to be love and mutual respect. And if you keep talking, keep being kind, keep looking at each other with love and not mistrust, you're half way there.
I have a lot to thank that lady for. I have learned from her bad luck which, she would be the first to admit, was often of her own making. That woman was my mother and I know it brought her great happiness to know that, through her mistakes, I had learned a better way.

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Happy Anniversary and other Pressing Matters

Yesterday was our 12th wedding anniversary and I'm pleased to report that they have been a dozen happy years and I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

We don't usually get each other expensive presents for our anniversary - so he got me some flowers and I got him a few hundred grams of jazzies from the newly opened old-fashioned sweet shop on Farnham's Castle Street. You know the kind, they have everything in jars so you can choose what you want. And they had giant jazzies too - husband heaven!

I remarked to the young girl serving that it was so nice to see an old-fashioned sweet shop. Yes, she said, a of of older people really like it, in a way which unmistakeably lumped me in with said 'older people'. I smiled sweetly, imagining cramming her head into one of said glass jars.

Anyway, this was, as I said, my anniversary present for my husband and very pleased he was too. After a lazy breakfast, off he went to take some stuff to the tip before we were due for lunch with my in-laws at Mikado in Ascot, our favourite Chinese, owned by Robert Cam. (If you're in the area, you must try it - buffet on a Sunday, yummy.)

My husband seemed to take quite a while at the tip, which I assumed meant there was a queue. But no. He had stopped off at Homebase. I got you an anniversary present, he said, grinning. He stepped aside to reveal.. an ironing board.

Not just any old ironing board, mind you. It was a Brabantia, thus very expensive, ironing board. But all the same, AN IRONING BOARD? For our ANNIVERSARY?

It's for both of us, he said quickly, noting my stunned silence. It's guaranteed for ten years, he added, we'll be celebrating our 22nd anniversary by then....

Oh, we will, will we? He's so thoughtful, my husband.

But after we got back from lunch he gave me my real anniversary present.. he did all the week's ironing so I could have an afternoon nap. Now he can give me a present like that every week...

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