This blog is for the slightly random stuff about life that doesn't fit on my fairly awesome, award-winning site, Special Needs Jungle
Showing posts with label teenagers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teenagers. Show all posts
16 Jan 2013
9 Feb 2012
Helping our teens learn money management
Up until last month, our boys, aged 14 and 12.5 received their pocket money in the form of a credit on a spreadsheet maintained by my accountant husband. Then, when they wanted something, they checked how much money they had and we paid for it from their balance.
This prevented them losing cash or wasting the money on sweets and it mainly worked well. However, it was difficult to check up at a moment's notice how much they had and Son1 regularly went overdrawn by using our registered credit card on Apple and Xbox to make unauthorised small amount purchases.
My husband recently decided to reorganise their finances, moving their savings to a higher interest children's ISA and we decided, at the same time, that they were old enough to have their own debit cards and manage their own money.
So, we've begun transferring their pocket money into new young persons' bank accounts from which we will be expecting them to buy their own magazines, withdraw cash as needed for things they want and register their cards for their own Xbox points and Itunes purchases.
This could go horribly wrong, but we think it's good to start them early on making their own small financial decisions rather than wait for them to head off to university with a freshly minted bank card and no common sense.
They have been instructed always to check their balances before making a cash withdrawal and to keep an eye on their finances using the online facility. We will also keep a watchful eye on this to make sure they don't end up overspending and their decisions are sound.
Somehow, I think that they will be much more cautious about using their 'own' money when they can see it disappearing from a bank account than they have been about watching it disappear from a spreadsheet, knowing that there are no consequences and they can always overspend. These debit cards have no way to go overdrawn, apparently, and in any case, they aren't often out and about armed with their cards without us being there too.
Still, I feel a little bit nervous about the whole thing, I have to admit, although this may be more to do with letting go of a little bit of control over their lives. This is something that, inevitably, must happen of course, it's just hard to "loosen the apron strings".
I'd be interested to find out how any one else has approached this... and what the results were.
Read More »
This prevented them losing cash or wasting the money on sweets and it mainly worked well. However, it was difficult to check up at a moment's notice how much they had and Son1 regularly went overdrawn by using our registered credit card on Apple and Xbox to make unauthorised small amount purchases.My husband recently decided to reorganise their finances, moving their savings to a higher interest children's ISA and we decided, at the same time, that they were old enough to have their own debit cards and manage their own money.
So, we've begun transferring their pocket money into new young persons' bank accounts from which we will be expecting them to buy their own magazines, withdraw cash as needed for things they want and register their cards for their own Xbox points and Itunes purchases.
This could go horribly wrong, but we think it's good to start them early on making their own small financial decisions rather than wait for them to head off to university with a freshly minted bank card and no common sense.
They have been instructed always to check their balances before making a cash withdrawal and to keep an eye on their finances using the online facility. We will also keep a watchful eye on this to make sure they don't end up overspending and their decisions are sound.
Somehow, I think that they will be much more cautious about using their 'own' money when they can see it disappearing from a bank account than they have been about watching it disappear from a spreadsheet, knowing that there are no consequences and they can always overspend. These debit cards have no way to go overdrawn, apparently, and in any case, they aren't often out and about armed with their cards without us being there too.
Still, I feel a little bit nervous about the whole thing, I have to admit, although this may be more to do with letting go of a little bit of control over their lives. This is something that, inevitably, must happen of course, it's just hard to "loosen the apron strings".
I'd be interested to find out how any one else has approached this... and what the results were.
5 Feb 2012
Fun in the snow in Farnham
Thought I'd share a few pictures of fun in the snow.
The good thing about having boys - and older ones at that - is that you can throw the snowballs as hard as you can at them.
The downside is that they're better throwers than me. And hubby is ruthless.
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| Note dog hiding behind hubby... |
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| Be scared.. be very scared... |
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| Revenge for every time I've annoyed him in the last week |
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| See how I'm not watching for the impending attack? |
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| Boys in retreat |
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| Dad on the rampage |
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| And splat... |
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| Son1 in Ninja gear |
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| Boys go on the offensive |
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| Dad comes out fighting... |
21 Dec 2011
The Teen Party - I survived but Youngest almost didn't
Apart from, of course, ordering in all the food and soft drinks that will be inhaled by the party goers. This is my job, to be welcomingly silent, remain in the kitchen and produce copious amounts of refreshments.
As I'm setting out cans of drinks (less easy to spill than glasses, I reason), Youngest 12, enters the kitchen. He's not been having a good time lately, his Asperger's has rather taken over.
"I'm going to sit on my bedroom balcony for a bit," he announces. Distractedly, I reply that he doesn't have a balcony. We've just refitted his Technolair but a balcony was not on the specifications.
Minutes later, I hear a rumble and then Youngest falls past the kitchen window, crumpling to the hard patio floor outside.
I shriek and dash out as Youngest picks themself up ambles off. "Oh My God! I screech, what did you do? Are you hurt? You could have been killed!"
"I slipped," Youngest says calmly. It turns out that the 'balcony' was the windowsill and Youngest had slid down the small half-roof under it and tumbled to the ground, falling ten feet. A grazed knee, nothing worse, luckily but my nerves were shot.
I locked his window and poured myself a calming sherry.
Minutes later the first party goers arrived. My visiting sister, unused to teenagers, took herself off to her room and shut the door. Then she evacuated the house entirely for the relative peace of the nearby pub while I tried to ignore the noise level that only twelve teens, girls and boys can make.
I think the party was a success. Certainly Son1 was happy. I shared a glass of wine with some of the Mums at the end and the house was ours again by nine thirty. The Sky+ HD remote control vanished, never to be seen again - no one has admitted responsibility.
Would I let him have another party? Well, yes, I think I would. His friends are all nice young people, polite and respectful. But most of all, I cannot say enough how wonderful it is for Son1, whose ADHD & undiagnosed Asperger's when in mainstream saw him with almost no friends and an angry child. Now, with four years at the right specialist school with intensive social skills training and support, he's doing well and his recent review at school described him as a popular boy. This thrilled me more than any academic success.
I hope that with the continuing support of his school, he can turn these newly found skills into second nature. He's going to need them - he's climbing Kilimanjaro in 2013.
12 Dec 2011
Term ends - with a teenage party. Gulp.
So here we are, the last week of school - well part of a week anyway - before the Christmas holidays. Term ends on Thursday lunchtime after a carol service, collection for a good cause and a round up of the autumn term from the Headmaster.
It has been something of an eventful term after what turned out to be, thankfully, a malicious call resulted in all boys and staff being locked down int he PE hall for five hours, surrounded by armed police. The police were fantastic and someone was tracked down and arrested before the day was out. Can you imagine the aroma of an already smelly PE hall stuffed to the gills with 500 people, most of whom are adolescent boys?
Everyone is exhausted. Youngest has been ill with a virus, but has spent the weekend moving into a new, bigger bedroom, or Technolair, after we made some internal alterations. We then had to get a range extender for the router which took me an hour and a half to make it work. We found one in Maplins which is like a magical emporium. He plans to get a part-time job there when old enough.
Youngest turned 14 this term. We took both kids and eight friends paintballing. We hadn't been before so we naively expected there would be somewhere warm to wait. We were mistaken. My husband also had to make a dash to the nearest supermarket to stock up on drinks and snacks for the boys between each session because teenage boys are rather like locusts, devouring everything in their path. We also shelled out, rather unexpectedly, a small fortune on extra paintballs - something anyone considering such an outing should factor in to the overall cost.
And so, can I relax after Thursday? You're joking. My sister arrives on Thursday afternoon, so I have to make sure the spare room, formerly Youngest's bedroom, is set up and tidy.
And then on Friday... it's Son1's first TEENAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY. The capitals are supposed to convey anxiety and trepidation on my part. It was supposed to be a joint one with his brother, five people each. But Youngest isn't interested and wants to go out instead, so Son1 decided that meant he could have ten, now, eleven.. how about fourteen.. people of his own. Mind you, I'm not sure he's actually invited anyone yet. Am I supposed to hear back from people's Mums at this age? I have no idea.
But, in theory anyway, there will be girls as well as boys, including his newly acquired girlfriend. I'm rather looking forward to that bit - I will, of course, be utterly charming.
Mainly, I will remain busy in the kitchen, providing the locusts with food and soft drinks and will be otherwise invisible but with my ears open over the sound of my new Michael Bublé Christmas album.
My biggest concern is whether to place throws over my two brand new sofas and where to put the dog for his own safety.
If anyone has any tips for me - please leave them in the comments section - they'll be much appreciated!
Read More »
It has been something of an eventful term after what turned out to be, thankfully, a malicious call resulted in all boys and staff being locked down int he PE hall for five hours, surrounded by armed police. The police were fantastic and someone was tracked down and arrested before the day was out. Can you imagine the aroma of an already smelly PE hall stuffed to the gills with 500 people, most of whom are adolescent boys?
Everyone is exhausted. Youngest has been ill with a virus, but has spent the weekend moving into a new, bigger bedroom, or Technolair, after we made some internal alterations. We then had to get a range extender for the router which took me an hour and a half to make it work. We found one in Maplins which is like a magical emporium. He plans to get a part-time job there when old enough.
Youngest turned 14 this term. We took both kids and eight friends paintballing. We hadn't been before so we naively expected there would be somewhere warm to wait. We were mistaken. My husband also had to make a dash to the nearest supermarket to stock up on drinks and snacks for the boys between each session because teenage boys are rather like locusts, devouring everything in their path. We also shelled out, rather unexpectedly, a small fortune on extra paintballs - something anyone considering such an outing should factor in to the overall cost.
And then on Friday... it's Son1's first TEENAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY. The capitals are supposed to convey anxiety and trepidation on my part. It was supposed to be a joint one with his brother, five people each. But Youngest isn't interested and wants to go out instead, so Son1 decided that meant he could have ten, now, eleven.. how about fourteen.. people of his own. Mind you, I'm not sure he's actually invited anyone yet. Am I supposed to hear back from people's Mums at this age? I have no idea.
But, in theory anyway, there will be girls as well as boys, including his newly acquired girlfriend. I'm rather looking forward to that bit - I will, of course, be utterly charming.
Mainly, I will remain busy in the kitchen, providing the locusts with food and soft drinks and will be otherwise invisible but with my ears open over the sound of my new Michael Bublé Christmas album.
My biggest concern is whether to place throws over my two brand new sofas and where to put the dog for his own safety.
If anyone has any tips for me - please leave them in the comments section - they'll be much appreciated!
2 Dec 2011
Coming to terms with parenting teens
Tomorrow is my eldest son's 14th birthday. It already seems like he has been a teenager forever. He now stands a head taller than me and his voice is so deep I am constantly wondering who on earth is the strange man talking downstairs?
These physical changes have taken place over the past year and I, as his mother who has had 13 years of having two little boys, am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have one big boy (12) and one young man on my hands.
The job is made more complicated by their Asperger Syndrome. Which aspects of their behaviour are because they have AS and which is just because they are adolescent? It can be hard to tell.
It is also hard to change your parenting behaviour. While it is still necessary to give them firm boundaries as well as love, the position of the boundaries, by necessity, changes.
What is difficult is knowing which boundaries to change and where to move them to. Bedtimes have become more lax. Sometimes he will go for a shower unasked, sometimes he needs to be reminded to wash his hair because it needs it - after all he's getting used to having a new body and hormones as well. I suspect there are plenty of teens this applies to.
Communication is also something that is changing, in that he doesn't particularly want to, at least with us. He's often on Facebook chatting with his school-friends and I sometimes hear his deep voice talking on his mobile late in the evening.
The other week he had some friends over for a sleep-over before we took them paint-balling the next morning. They disappeared into the conservatory where they were sleeping. "Don't you want to watch TV?" I asked. "No, we're going to talk," he replied. When I remarked that he never talked to me, all the boys collapsed into what can only be described as Smash Alien-type laughter.
I know what they were talking about: girls - another area for worry. He goes to an all-boys school but they get together with girls from a nearby girls' school for theatrical productions. My son likes girls very much and they like him back - since he was six up until he went to the boys' school, he always received one or even two Valentine's Cards every year from smitten primary schoolgirls, much to my younger son's disgust.
I have decided the best thing to do about girls is...nothing. Unless he asks. I will just keep my eyes and ears open although as he tends to keep things to himself, this is a challenge.
I am working my way through Thomas Phelan's "Surviving Your Adolescents" and have found that I am making lots of mistakes - such as 'the insightful comment' hoping to instill my wisdom into him, usually when he's stuck in the car with me. This is apparently a no-no. Oops.
I'm also getting some things right as well, which is a relief not to be totally useless. I remember being a teenager and, I can promise you, I was a lot worse than he was and I turned out alright, I think.
I bought him a book, "The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide: The Real Deal on Girls, Growing Up and Other Guy Stuff". "I got this for you," I said, casually leaving it on the table. "You might like it, have a look if you want". I left it at that. It's now on or next to his bed, so it's apparently a hit.
Other boundaries haven't changed, for example, I try to make sure we eat together at the table as often as possible. We had a little talk the other day about how I was going to try to treat him in a more grown up way, although it was hard for me to adjust. Then I said that he would also need to take more responsibility for things within the family. He looked at me sharply. "I'm not that old," he said. I smiled to myself. It's a long journey, this growing up stuff.
Read More »
These physical changes have taken place over the past year and I, as his mother who has had 13 years of having two little boys, am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have one big boy (12) and one young man on my hands.
The job is made more complicated by their Asperger Syndrome. Which aspects of their behaviour are because they have AS and which is just because they are adolescent? It can be hard to tell.
It is also hard to change your parenting behaviour. While it is still necessary to give them firm boundaries as well as love, the position of the boundaries, by necessity, changes.
What is difficult is knowing which boundaries to change and where to move them to. Bedtimes have become more lax. Sometimes he will go for a shower unasked, sometimes he needs to be reminded to wash his hair because it needs it - after all he's getting used to having a new body and hormones as well. I suspect there are plenty of teens this applies to.Communication is also something that is changing, in that he doesn't particularly want to, at least with us. He's often on Facebook chatting with his school-friends and I sometimes hear his deep voice talking on his mobile late in the evening.
The other week he had some friends over for a sleep-over before we took them paint-balling the next morning. They disappeared into the conservatory where they were sleeping. "Don't you want to watch TV?" I asked. "No, we're going to talk," he replied. When I remarked that he never talked to me, all the boys collapsed into what can only be described as Smash Alien-type laughter.
I know what they were talking about: girls - another area for worry. He goes to an all-boys school but they get together with girls from a nearby girls' school for theatrical productions. My son likes girls very much and they like him back - since he was six up until he went to the boys' school, he always received one or even two Valentine's Cards every year from smitten primary schoolgirls, much to my younger son's disgust.
I have decided the best thing to do about girls is...nothing. Unless he asks. I will just keep my eyes and ears open although as he tends to keep things to himself, this is a challenge.
I am working my way through Thomas Phelan's "Surviving Your Adolescents" and have found that I am making lots of mistakes - such as 'the insightful comment' hoping to instill my wisdom into him, usually when he's stuck in the car with me. This is apparently a no-no. Oops.
I'm also getting some things right as well, which is a relief not to be totally useless. I remember being a teenager and, I can promise you, I was a lot worse than he was and I turned out alright, I think.
I bought him a book, "The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide: The Real Deal on Girls, Growing Up and Other Guy Stuff". "I got this for you," I said, casually leaving it on the table. "You might like it, have a look if you want". I left it at that. It's now on or next to his bed, so it's apparently a hit.
Other boundaries haven't changed, for example, I try to make sure we eat together at the table as often as possible. We had a little talk the other day about how I was going to try to treat him in a more grown up way, although it was hard for me to adjust. Then I said that he would also need to take more responsibility for things within the family. He looked at me sharply. "I'm not that old," he said. I smiled to myself. It's a long journey, this growing up stuff.
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