This blog is for the slightly random stuff about life that doesn't fit on my fairly awesome, award-winning site, Special Needs Jungle
10 Feb 2012
9 Feb 2012
Helping our teens learn money management
Up until last month, our boys, aged 14 and 12.5 received their pocket money in the form of a credit on a spreadsheet maintained by my accountant husband. Then, when they wanted something, they checked how much money they had and we paid for it from their balance.
This prevented them losing cash or wasting the money on sweets and it mainly worked well. However, it was difficult to check up at a moment's notice how much they had and Son1 regularly went overdrawn by using our registered credit card on Apple and Xbox to make unauthorised small amount purchases.
My husband recently decided to reorganise their finances, moving their savings to a higher interest children's ISA and we decided, at the same time, that they were old enough to have their own debit cards and manage their own money.
So, we've begun transferring their pocket money into new young persons' bank accounts from which we will be expecting them to buy their own magazines, withdraw cash as needed for things they want and register their cards for their own Xbox points and Itunes purchases.
This could go horribly wrong, but we think it's good to start them early on making their own small financial decisions rather than wait for them to head off to university with a freshly minted bank card and no common sense.
They have been instructed always to check their balances before making a cash withdrawal and to keep an eye on their finances using the online facility. We will also keep a watchful eye on this to make sure they don't end up overspending and their decisions are sound.
Somehow, I think that they will be much more cautious about using their 'own' money when they can see it disappearing from a bank account than they have been about watching it disappear from a spreadsheet, knowing that there are no consequences and they can always overspend. These debit cards have no way to go overdrawn, apparently, and in any case, they aren't often out and about armed with their cards without us being there too.
Still, I feel a little bit nervous about the whole thing, I have to admit, although this may be more to do with letting go of a little bit of control over their lives. This is something that, inevitably, must happen of course, it's just hard to "loosen the apron strings".
I'd be interested to find out how any one else has approached this... and what the results were.
Read More »
This prevented them losing cash or wasting the money on sweets and it mainly worked well. However, it was difficult to check up at a moment's notice how much they had and Son1 regularly went overdrawn by using our registered credit card on Apple and Xbox to make unauthorised small amount purchases.My husband recently decided to reorganise their finances, moving their savings to a higher interest children's ISA and we decided, at the same time, that they were old enough to have their own debit cards and manage their own money.
So, we've begun transferring their pocket money into new young persons' bank accounts from which we will be expecting them to buy their own magazines, withdraw cash as needed for things they want and register their cards for their own Xbox points and Itunes purchases.
This could go horribly wrong, but we think it's good to start them early on making their own small financial decisions rather than wait for them to head off to university with a freshly minted bank card and no common sense.
They have been instructed always to check their balances before making a cash withdrawal and to keep an eye on their finances using the online facility. We will also keep a watchful eye on this to make sure they don't end up overspending and their decisions are sound.
Somehow, I think that they will be much more cautious about using their 'own' money when they can see it disappearing from a bank account than they have been about watching it disappear from a spreadsheet, knowing that there are no consequences and they can always overspend. These debit cards have no way to go overdrawn, apparently, and in any case, they aren't often out and about armed with their cards without us being there too.
Still, I feel a little bit nervous about the whole thing, I have to admit, although this may be more to do with letting go of a little bit of control over their lives. This is something that, inevitably, must happen of course, it's just hard to "loosen the apron strings".
I'd be interested to find out how any one else has approached this... and what the results were.
5 Feb 2012
Fun in the snow in Farnham
Thought I'd share a few pictures of fun in the snow.
The good thing about having boys - and older ones at that - is that you can throw the snowballs as hard as you can at them.
The downside is that they're better throwers than me. And hubby is ruthless.
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| Note dog hiding behind hubby... |
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| Be scared.. be very scared... |
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| Revenge for every time I've annoyed him in the last week |
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| See how I'm not watching for the impending attack? |
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| Boys in retreat |
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| Dad on the rampage |
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| And splat... |
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| Son1 in Ninja gear |
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| Boys go on the offensive |
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| Dad comes out fighting... |
21 Jan 2012
Grab a FREE romance from a great friend
Since I've published my novels on Kindle, I've made some great online friends. One, in particular has become a friend in the flesh as well.
Mel Comley lives in France but came to stay with me and my family last year when we went to a writer's workshop in London. It must have been a bit of a shock, staying in a house with two tween/teenagers!
Since we met online she has published nine novels and shorts and contributed short stories to several other books. This is all in the space of just over a year.
Mel is a Kindle success story - she's now making a living from her writing, something many people can only dream of.
We have a symbiotic relationship - I design her covers, which I enjoy immensely and Mel helps me every day with book promotion which I find difficult to squeeze in between working and looking after my two Asperger's boys.
She's kept me going in dark moments and I would have probably given up everything to do with writing without her encouragement.
Mel has three great thrillers out - the 'Justice' featuring Brit crime-fighter, Lorne Simpkins, and several romances.
If you'd like to try her writing out for free, she has one book, A Time To Heal, available for download right now completely gratis. If you don't have a Kindle, you can download it on Kindle for PC, Ipad or smartphone - just get the right app from the Amazon site.
Mel is a prime example how determination, grit and hard work gets results. She has driven her own success and even attracted a top New York agent to sign her up.
If anyone reading this is about to take the leap and publish their book onto Kindle, it would be a great idea to follow Mel on Twitter @Melcom1 and find out how much work you need to do once your book is finished to get it noticed.
Grab A Time To Heal while it's free - it won't be for long!
Click the right store for you and download it.
Read More »
Since we met online she has published nine novels and shorts and contributed short stories to several other books. This is all in the space of just over a year.
Mel is a Kindle success story - she's now making a living from her writing, something many people can only dream of.
We have a symbiotic relationship - I design her covers, which I enjoy immensely and Mel helps me every day with book promotion which I find difficult to squeeze in between working and looking after my two Asperger's boys.
She's kept me going in dark moments and I would have probably given up everything to do with writing without her encouragement.
Mel has three great thrillers out - the 'Justice' featuring Brit crime-fighter, Lorne Simpkins, and several romances.
Mel is a prime example how determination, grit and hard work gets results. She has driven her own success and even attracted a top New York agent to sign her up.
If anyone reading this is about to take the leap and publish their book onto Kindle, it would be a great idea to follow Mel on Twitter @Melcom1 and find out how much work you need to do once your book is finished to get it noticed.
Grab A Time To Heal while it's free - it won't be for long!
Click the right store for you and download it.
17 Jan 2012
Beauty and Functionality - what more can a girl want?
I'd been debating what to get to enable me to work while I wait in my car for my boys to come out of school. I have to get there early as parking is a bun fight and I need to park in roughly the same spot so Youngest can find me easily without becoming anxious.
So would it be an android tab or an iPad? I needed it to be compatible with Google Reader and Calendar so at first glimpse an Android tab
Might be better and cheaper. Ah, but the lure of the iPad is irresistible and after some research I discovered that there are iPad apps that can get the Google things I need.
So the, the wifi or the 3G version? I was going to go for the 3G as I need connectivity, but the nice lady in the phone shop said that as I was due a phone upgrade next month why not get the WiFi and an iPhone and just tether the two together using the unlimited Internet for my iPad.
OMG what a great idea! She lost the sale of an iPad as I scurried up to the Apple store upstairs for the WiFi version not on sale in the Phone shop, but I'll be back there next month anyway for my upgrade. And it was very nice of her to consider what was cheaper for me rather than pushing a sale.
And my new iPad? It's sleek and shiny and it does what it's supposed to do - work with responsiveness and speed.
I love you iPad. I don't care if they bring out an iPad3 in the next few months. I'll stay faithful.
My beloved Kindle however was immediately snatched by Youngest on the grounds that the iPad had a Kindle app. Oh well, mustn't be greedy.
3 Jan 2012
My romance, Sweet Seduction available in paperback
My romance novel, Sweet Seduction, a light happy read, is now available in paperback on Amazon and at other online stores (see links to your right) Here's what it's about:
Livia is bruised from caring for her mother, who had Alzheimer's, for many years. She's now picking herself back up with the help of the redoubtable Lady Knightly. She's met Rufus before - the last time when she was sixteen when they shared a magical kiss under the mistletoe at the annual Christmas party at Rufus's family home, Archmont.
It's described as a modern feel-good romance and it fits the bill precisely. If you like Mills and Boon/Harlequin Cherish book, then this is for you. It's also available in ebook format for instant downloading from the sellers to your left.
If you read it and like it, why not leave a comment?
Read More »
Millionaire businessman, Rufus Knightly, is used to getting what he wants in life. When artisan baker Livia Rossetti turns down both his offer to finance her cake company and a chance of romance, he's determined to change her mind. Livia's lack of confidence in herself and lack of experience in love mean she's running scared from Rufus's campaign to win her round. Can she find the courage to grab his offer—and him—and convince herself it's not the recipe for disaster? If you like sweet romance...you’ll love Sweet Seduction.I got the inspiration for Livia selling cakes at the Farmers' Market as I was then the PR for Hampshire Farmers' Markets who have some wonderful artisan bakers and cake makers - it's well worth a visit.
Livia is bruised from caring for her mother, who had Alzheimer's, for many years. She's now picking herself back up with the help of the redoubtable Lady Knightly. She's met Rufus before - the last time when she was sixteen when they shared a magical kiss under the mistletoe at the annual Christmas party at Rufus's family home, Archmont.
It's described as a modern feel-good romance and it fits the bill precisely. If you like Mills and Boon/Harlequin Cherish book, then this is for you. It's also available in ebook format for instant downloading from the sellers to your left.
If you read it and like it, why not leave a comment?
1 Jan 2012
Brioche Butter Pudding
Youngest, who is autistic, has a problem with breakfast. He's not a big eater so when he settles on something he likes for the most important meal of the day, we go with it. For a while, it's been brioche rolls filled with chocolate paste.
They were on BOGOF in Tesco for a bit, so I made the most of it. But he went off them and we still had a bag and a half left, nearing expiry date. Son1 can't have them, he's allergic to hazelnuts. So I had a brainwave - bread and butter pudding with a difference!
Using a base Bread and Butter Pudding recipe from Prue Leith's Step-by-Step Cookery, now almost two decades old, I changed it to suit my ingredients. It's not for those on a diet, but as a special treat, your family or guests will be in dessert heaven.
Ingredients:
Brioche rolls
Butter
Dried fruit (I used sweet cranberries & sultanas but use whatever you fancy)
225ml of milk
225 ml of single cream
1 vanilla pod (Mine was quite big so I cut it in half as I needed some for something else)
175g caster sugar
3 eggs, beaten
To convert weights & measures to US go here
First I melted the butter in a bowl, then split open the brioche rolls and dipped the insides in the butter. I actually melted it by accident as I was softening it, but it was much quicker to use melted.
Then I layered them into a loaf tin (you can use whatever you have that's big enough).
Then add dried fruit between the layers.
With the last layer, I laid the rolls face up and compacted them all down.
Then take the three eggs and beat them
Then add the milk and cream to a pan and put the vanilla pod and sugar in. Bring to boiling point. Next, add the beaten eggs and stir until thickened to a custard consistency.
When it's thick enough, pour over the top of the brioche mix. I used a sieve to make sure there were no lumps.
Then place in large tin like a roasting tin, cover with foil and pour hot water into the LARGER tin until it comes half way up the outside of the brioche tin
Then you can turn it out onto a plate or serve from the cooking tin. It's delicious with cream or ice cream.
Read More »
They were on BOGOF in Tesco for a bit, so I made the most of it. But he went off them and we still had a bag and a half left, nearing expiry date. Son1 can't have them, he's allergic to hazelnuts. So I had a brainwave - bread and butter pudding with a difference!
Using a base Bread and Butter Pudding recipe from Prue Leith's Step-by-Step Cookery, now almost two decades old, I changed it to suit my ingredients. It's not for those on a diet, but as a special treat, your family or guests will be in dessert heaven.
Ingredients:
Brioche rolls
Butter
Dried fruit (I used sweet cranberries & sultanas but use whatever you fancy)
225ml of milk
225 ml of single cream
1 vanilla pod (Mine was quite big so I cut it in half as I needed some for something else)
175g caster sugar
3 eggs, beaten
To convert weights & measures to US go here
First I melted the butter in a bowl, then split open the brioche rolls and dipped the insides in the butter. I actually melted it by accident as I was softening it, but it was much quicker to use melted.
Then I layered them into a loaf tin (you can use whatever you have that's big enough).
Then add dried fruit between the layers.
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| Layer the rolls dipped in melted butter into an overproof dish and add dried fruit between the layers |
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| End with a face-down later and sqiush down |
Then take the three eggs and beat them
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| Beat three eggs |
Then add the milk and cream to a pan and put the vanilla pod and sugar in. Bring to boiling point. Next, add the beaten eggs and stir until thickened to a custard consistency.
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| Keep stirring so it doesn't stick |
When it's thick enough, pour over the top of the brioche mix. I used a sieve to make sure there were no lumps.
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| Pour over the brioche through a sieve |
Then place in large tin like a roasting tin, cover with foil and pour hot water into the LARGER tin until it comes half way up the outside of the brioche tin
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| Don't get confused and pour the water in the wrong tin.. |
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| It should look like this... |
Bake in the oven at 180c for around 50 mins until it's set.
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| When it's ready it should look like this |
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| OMG it's just fab.. |
I think my husband loves me just a little bit more now...
24 Dec 2011
Jamie's Flavoured Butter Turkey - for a tasty moist turkey
Now the gravy is frozen and Youngest has strict instructions to remind me to remove it early on Christmas morning (which of course, he won't), it's time to turn to the turkey.
My favourite recipe is, once again, from the god of chefs, Jamie Oliver. It makes for an incredible flavoursome, moist turkey that practically bastes itself.
Ready? Here's the ingredients, taken from the recipe page on the JO website
• 1 x 250g pack of butter • 75g dried cranberries, really finely chopped • a few sprigs of fresh thyme, leaves picked • 4 fresh rosemary sprigs, leaves picked • a few sprigs of fresh sage, leaves picked • sea salt and freshly ground black pepper • 1 clementine.
First, I took the butter out for an hour to soften it, then added it to a food processor with the cranberries, herbs, zest and seasoning. JO says to mix it by hand, but whizzing it up in the blender on pulse saved me time.
Then, using a spoon, I carefully separated the skin from the breast as far back and across as I could, making an opening for the butter.
Then I pushed half the flavoured butter in the space I'd made. James says to use your hands, but I have this hands slim soft spatula from Pampered Chef that does the job and is much less messy.
Then I used the remaining butter to cover the top of the turkey, finally covering it with clingfilm and putting it back in the fridge until tomorrow morning. Make sure yo get it out when you get up so it has time to warm up a bit before you put in the oven.
We had this last year as well and I can safely say it's the best, moist and flavoursome turkey I've ever had.
Read More »
My favourite recipe is, once again, from the god of chefs, Jamie Oliver. It makes for an incredible flavoursome, moist turkey that practically bastes itself.
Ready? Here's the ingredients, taken from the recipe page on the JO website
• 1 x 250g pack of butter • 75g dried cranberries, really finely chopped • a few sprigs of fresh thyme, leaves picked • 4 fresh rosemary sprigs, leaves picked • a few sprigs of fresh sage, leaves picked • sea salt and freshly ground black pepper • 1 clementine.
First, I took the butter out for an hour to soften it, then added it to a food processor with the cranberries, herbs, zest and seasoning. JO says to mix it by hand, but whizzing it up in the blender on pulse saved me time.
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| Whizz up the ingredients |
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| Separate skin from breast starting from the arrow |
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| Carefully stuff half the butter mixture in the space |
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| Smother the top with the rest of butter |
A reminder of the recipe page on the JO site. And to make The Best Turkey in the World, check out this page for cooking the bird.
All that's left is for me to wish you all a fantastic Christmas. If you like this blog, please follow, or subscribe by email or RSS so you never miss another post. (At the top of the site)
There are several other recipes in past posts such as:
Merry Christmas!
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| My well-used Christmas JO 'Bible' - note greasy smudge marks! |
All that's left is for me to wish you all a fantastic Christmas. If you like this blog, please follow, or subscribe by email or RSS so you never miss another post. (At the top of the site)
There are several other recipes in past posts such as:
- It's more faff than Bisto, but Jamie's Get Ahead Gravy is worth the effort
- Asparagus, Watercress and Pan Roasted Cherry Tomato Risotto
- Asparagus, haddock and smokey bacon fishcakes with herby mayonnaise
- Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese Pate
- Goat's Cheese and Swiss Chard Tart
Merry Christmas!
23 Dec 2011
It's more faff than Bisto, but Jamie's Get Ahead Gravy's worth the effort
So, 23rd December, and I've started the gravy for the big day. This may seem extreme, but it's to save me the hassle of it on Christmas Day and to make sure I serve up the best gravy of the year.
I'm making Jamie Oliver's Get Ahead Gravy. As far as I'm concerned, Jamie Oliver (my fondue disaster not withstanding) should be knighted in the New Year's Honours and then made Prime Minister, or perhaps King. Or both.
Here are the ingredients:
Starting
• 2 celery sticks, trimmed and roughly chopped • 2 carrots, roughly sliced • 2 onions, peeled and quartered • 5 fresh bay leaves • 5 fresh sage leaves • 4 sprigs of fresh rosemary • 2 star anise • 2 rashers of smoked streaky bacon, the best quality you can afford • 8 chicken wings • olive oil • sea salt and freshly ground black pepper •
Finishing:
4 tablespoons plain flour • optional: 60ml sherry or port • 2 heaped dessertspoons cranberry sauce, for finishing.
How I did my best impression of the great J.O
So first, I put all the staring ingredients (see above) in a roasting pan, added some fabulous olive oil that we brought back from Tuscany this year, then some salt and pepper. I put it in the oven for an hour at 200c.
When I got it out, it was all golden. I got a non-scratch masher as Jamie instructs, and mashed it all up hard.
I scraped the bottom to make sure it was all mixed in. Then I added two tablespoons of flour bit by bit and made sure it was all stirred in well.
Then I added two litres of hot water and boiled for ten minutes, then simmered for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally.
After than I added a glug of port. This is optional.
Then sieve. I first sieved in a colander as my sieve is quite small. This got rid of most of the mashed up ingredients. Then I strained it again in my sieve into a freezer box, let it cool and popped it in the freezer until Sunday.
On Sunday I will get it out first thing, defrost it and put it in a pan. When the turkey is done, Jamie says to add 2 large dessertspoons of cranberry sauce (which is good as there's always too much) and the skimmed juices from the turkey.
Read More »
I'm making Jamie Oliver's Get Ahead Gravy. As far as I'm concerned, Jamie Oliver (my fondue disaster not withstanding) should be knighted in the New Year's Honours and then made Prime Minister, or perhaps King. Or both.
Here are the ingredients:
Starting
• 2 celery sticks, trimmed and roughly chopped • 2 carrots, roughly sliced • 2 onions, peeled and quartered • 5 fresh bay leaves • 5 fresh sage leaves • 4 sprigs of fresh rosemary • 2 star anise • 2 rashers of smoked streaky bacon, the best quality you can afford • 8 chicken wings • olive oil • sea salt and freshly ground black pepper •
Finishing:
4 tablespoons plain flour • optional: 60ml sherry or port • 2 heaped dessertspoons cranberry sauce, for finishing.
How I did my best impression of the great J.O
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| Put all the starting ingredients into a big roasting pan |
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| When they come out of the oven, mash them up |
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| Scrape the bottom of the pan |
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| Add 2 litres of water, then boil for 10 mins and simmer for 25mins |
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| Add port if desired. I desire very much. |
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| Strain it, put it in a freezer box and freeze until the big day. |
Decant into a gravy boat, and there you have it, Jamie Oliver's Get Ahead Gravy. It's a lot more faff than Bisto gravy granules, but it's Christmas!
And click here for the link again to the full set of instructions from the Jamie Oliver website
Images on this post are All Rights Reserved c. Tania Tirraoro. Use Contact form to request reuse.
Images on this post are All Rights Reserved c. Tania Tirraoro. Use Contact form to request reuse.
22 Dec 2011
Women of the Year 2011 - My personal list
This year I've published two books, one fiction - a romance- and one non-fiction, aimed at helping parents get special needs help for their children.
In this endeavour, I've formed friendships both online and in person. As this is the time of year for 'best of' lists here's one of my own, giving a big thanks to those who have inspired, steadied, encouraged and helped me.
1. Mel Comley
Mel and I first became friends when we launched our books on Authonomy in 2010. Since then I have watched her grow as a writer and been amazed by her ability at reaching out online to people, making them aware of her books. Mel lives in France and in January we were able to meet in person when she came to stay with us. We attended a writer's workshop in London together and I'm pleased to say she'll be coming over again in May for another event.
She has published a trilogy of crime novels featuring DI Lorne Simpkins as well as a number of romance and short story books.
Mel has supported me, advised me of opportunities, cheered me up when I was down and sent me the biggest box of Christmas chocs I've ever received. A special mention to her mum, Jean too, who is fab.
Find Mel here
2. Libby Fischer Hellmann
Libby, a well-known Chicago writer, is one woman I look up to. Her writing is flawless and in the YouTube video I watched of her giving a writer talk, she exudes the sure confidence of someone who knows what she's talking about. I love her Chicago PI, Georgia Davis - a worthy successor to VI Warshawski. When I grow up, I want to be Libby Fischer Hellmann. Find out more about Libby here.
3. Linda Prather
Linda is a woman of many talents - an author, psychic and paranormal investigator whose books leave an impression on you long after you have read them. Linda is kind and generous with her time and I look forward to reading more Jacody Ives mysteries in 2012 as well as her forthcoming book, Find Me.
Read more about Linda here.
4. & 5. Lia Fairchild and Valerie Maarten
These two woman live on opposite coasts in the US and they are promotional powerhouses. I am astounded by the number of ways they come up with to promote their books and the energy they have in going about it, despite having busy family lives. It is something I can only dream of matching. Lia is also about to become an Amazon Encore author with In Search of Lucy and has a series called A Hint of Murder. Read more about Lia here.
Val has four books out, all great reads, including the salutary tale "Into Thin Air". Find out more about Val here.
You should watch out for all these woman in 2012. They've put in serious ground work in 2011 to pursue their goals of making it big in books. I wouldn't bet against them.
Read More »
In this endeavour, I've formed friendships both online and in person. As this is the time of year for 'best of' lists here's one of my own, giving a big thanks to those who have inspired, steadied, encouraged and helped me.
1. Mel Comley
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| Mel Comley |
She has published a trilogy of crime novels featuring DI Lorne Simpkins as well as a number of romance and short story books.
Mel has supported me, advised me of opportunities, cheered me up when I was down and sent me the biggest box of Christmas chocs I've ever received. A special mention to her mum, Jean too, who is fab.
Find Mel here
2. Libby Fischer Hellmann
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| Libby Fischer Hellmann |
3. Linda Prather
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| Linda Prather |
Read more about Linda here.
4. & 5. Lia Fairchild and Valerie Maarten
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| Valerie Maarten |
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| Lia Fairchild |
Val has four books out, all great reads, including the salutary tale "Into Thin Air". Find out more about Val here.
You should watch out for all these woman in 2012. They've put in serious ground work in 2011 to pursue their goals of making it big in books. I wouldn't bet against them.
21 Dec 2011
The Teen Party - I survived but Youngest almost didn't
Apart from, of course, ordering in all the food and soft drinks that will be inhaled by the party goers. This is my job, to be welcomingly silent, remain in the kitchen and produce copious amounts of refreshments.
As I'm setting out cans of drinks (less easy to spill than glasses, I reason), Youngest 12, enters the kitchen. He's not been having a good time lately, his Asperger's has rather taken over.
"I'm going to sit on my bedroom balcony for a bit," he announces. Distractedly, I reply that he doesn't have a balcony. We've just refitted his Technolair but a balcony was not on the specifications.
Minutes later, I hear a rumble and then Youngest falls past the kitchen window, crumpling to the hard patio floor outside.
I shriek and dash out as Youngest picks themself up ambles off. "Oh My God! I screech, what did you do? Are you hurt? You could have been killed!"
"I slipped," Youngest says calmly. It turns out that the 'balcony' was the windowsill and Youngest had slid down the small half-roof under it and tumbled to the ground, falling ten feet. A grazed knee, nothing worse, luckily but my nerves were shot.
I locked his window and poured myself a calming sherry.
Minutes later the first party goers arrived. My visiting sister, unused to teenagers, took herself off to her room and shut the door. Then she evacuated the house entirely for the relative peace of the nearby pub while I tried to ignore the noise level that only twelve teens, girls and boys can make.
I think the party was a success. Certainly Son1 was happy. I shared a glass of wine with some of the Mums at the end and the house was ours again by nine thirty. The Sky+ HD remote control vanished, never to be seen again - no one has admitted responsibility.
Would I let him have another party? Well, yes, I think I would. His friends are all nice young people, polite and respectful. But most of all, I cannot say enough how wonderful it is for Son1, whose ADHD & undiagnosed Asperger's when in mainstream saw him with almost no friends and an angry child. Now, with four years at the right specialist school with intensive social skills training and support, he's doing well and his recent review at school described him as a popular boy. This thrilled me more than any academic success.
I hope that with the continuing support of his school, he can turn these newly found skills into second nature. He's going to need them - he's climbing Kilimanjaro in 2013.
12 Dec 2011
Term ends - with a teenage party. Gulp.
So here we are, the last week of school - well part of a week anyway - before the Christmas holidays. Term ends on Thursday lunchtime after a carol service, collection for a good cause and a round up of the autumn term from the Headmaster.
It has been something of an eventful term after what turned out to be, thankfully, a malicious call resulted in all boys and staff being locked down int he PE hall for five hours, surrounded by armed police. The police were fantastic and someone was tracked down and arrested before the day was out. Can you imagine the aroma of an already smelly PE hall stuffed to the gills with 500 people, most of whom are adolescent boys?
Everyone is exhausted. Youngest has been ill with a virus, but has spent the weekend moving into a new, bigger bedroom, or Technolair, after we made some internal alterations. We then had to get a range extender for the router which took me an hour and a half to make it work. We found one in Maplins which is like a magical emporium. He plans to get a part-time job there when old enough.
Youngest turned 14 this term. We took both kids and eight friends paintballing. We hadn't been before so we naively expected there would be somewhere warm to wait. We were mistaken. My husband also had to make a dash to the nearest supermarket to stock up on drinks and snacks for the boys between each session because teenage boys are rather like locusts, devouring everything in their path. We also shelled out, rather unexpectedly, a small fortune on extra paintballs - something anyone considering such an outing should factor in to the overall cost.
And so, can I relax after Thursday? You're joking. My sister arrives on Thursday afternoon, so I have to make sure the spare room, formerly Youngest's bedroom, is set up and tidy.
And then on Friday... it's Son1's first TEENAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY. The capitals are supposed to convey anxiety and trepidation on my part. It was supposed to be a joint one with his brother, five people each. But Youngest isn't interested and wants to go out instead, so Son1 decided that meant he could have ten, now, eleven.. how about fourteen.. people of his own. Mind you, I'm not sure he's actually invited anyone yet. Am I supposed to hear back from people's Mums at this age? I have no idea.
But, in theory anyway, there will be girls as well as boys, including his newly acquired girlfriend. I'm rather looking forward to that bit - I will, of course, be utterly charming.
Mainly, I will remain busy in the kitchen, providing the locusts with food and soft drinks and will be otherwise invisible but with my ears open over the sound of my new Michael Bublé Christmas album.
My biggest concern is whether to place throws over my two brand new sofas and where to put the dog for his own safety.
If anyone has any tips for me - please leave them in the comments section - they'll be much appreciated!
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It has been something of an eventful term after what turned out to be, thankfully, a malicious call resulted in all boys and staff being locked down int he PE hall for five hours, surrounded by armed police. The police were fantastic and someone was tracked down and arrested before the day was out. Can you imagine the aroma of an already smelly PE hall stuffed to the gills with 500 people, most of whom are adolescent boys?
Everyone is exhausted. Youngest has been ill with a virus, but has spent the weekend moving into a new, bigger bedroom, or Technolair, after we made some internal alterations. We then had to get a range extender for the router which took me an hour and a half to make it work. We found one in Maplins which is like a magical emporium. He plans to get a part-time job there when old enough.
Youngest turned 14 this term. We took both kids and eight friends paintballing. We hadn't been before so we naively expected there would be somewhere warm to wait. We were mistaken. My husband also had to make a dash to the nearest supermarket to stock up on drinks and snacks for the boys between each session because teenage boys are rather like locusts, devouring everything in their path. We also shelled out, rather unexpectedly, a small fortune on extra paintballs - something anyone considering such an outing should factor in to the overall cost.
And then on Friday... it's Son1's first TEENAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY. The capitals are supposed to convey anxiety and trepidation on my part. It was supposed to be a joint one with his brother, five people each. But Youngest isn't interested and wants to go out instead, so Son1 decided that meant he could have ten, now, eleven.. how about fourteen.. people of his own. Mind you, I'm not sure he's actually invited anyone yet. Am I supposed to hear back from people's Mums at this age? I have no idea.
But, in theory anyway, there will be girls as well as boys, including his newly acquired girlfriend. I'm rather looking forward to that bit - I will, of course, be utterly charming.
Mainly, I will remain busy in the kitchen, providing the locusts with food and soft drinks and will be otherwise invisible but with my ears open over the sound of my new Michael Bublé Christmas album.
My biggest concern is whether to place throws over my two brand new sofas and where to put the dog for his own safety.
If anyone has any tips for me - please leave them in the comments section - they'll be much appreciated!
6 Dec 2011
Read an excerpt from a FREE Christmas anthology
I've got together with a group of fab women writers to publish a sparkling Christmas anthology of short seasonal stories, Season's Readings. You can download them for FREE from Smashwords in any ebook format, PDF or just read online.
I also designed the cover which I hope captures the festive feeling that will soon be grabbing us all.
Eleanor surveyed the scene of quasi-devastation in the living room. Gaudy wrapping paper torn away and then carelessly discarded, littered the floor. Presents were piled up untidily on the coffee table. And her husband of twenty years, Roger, slumped groggily in the armchair, mug of tea balanced on his rounded stomach that was wrapped in a tartan robe.
Under the robe, he wore pale blue cotton pyjamas that he preferred to be ironed, even though they were the non-iron variety. Roger was the chief financial officer of an insurance company in the City. He worked long hours and had amassed them a considerable fortune that had made it unnecessary for Eleanor to find paid employment ever since she'd given birth to the first of their two sons, now aged fifteen and seventeen.
The teenagers had returned to their lairs, otherwise known as their bedrooms, after they had ravaged the Christmas wrapping paper that she had so carefully folded over their expensive ipods, computer equipment and designer clothes that she had bought for them.
Roger was pleased with his aftershave, new leather briefcase and Cartier cufflinks. Eleanor was happy she didn't seem to have made any faux pas, present-wise.
"Darling, you haven't opened your present yet." Roger's voice broke through her thoughts. He indicated a bulky package that was far too neat to have been wrapped by him.
Eleanor smiled. "Thank you," she said, perching on the arm of the sofa as she carefully opened the parcel. Inside was a fluffy robe from...she cast a closer look at the label…Marks and Spencer. Eleanor's smile faltered and forced it to remain on her lips. "It's just what I wanted," she said, a little too brightly.
Seemingly satisfied, Roger went back to reading the sports section of yesterday's Telegraph. Eleanor felt like screaming. She had worked so hard to think of nice things to buy him. The briefcase had his initials embossed on it, the cufflinks had cost a small fortune.
Then she thought of the expensive Prada wallet she had bought for his personal assistant on his behalf. She knew without asking it wasn't Roger who had chosen the robe. She glanced at it again. Pale pink, size 16. Eleanor was a svelte size 10. She shouldn't be ungrateful, she told herself. Roger provides for us so well and she could always go and buy what she wanted whenever she wanted. But as she rose and turned away towards the kitchen, the long silk robe she had bought for herself just months before swishing around her, she couldn't stop her lower lip from trembling, just a little.
The problem, she reasoned, was the lack of thought that had gone into it. It wasn't that she had wanted something expensive, but it would have been nice if Roger had actually thought, just for a few moments, what she might like as a gift. He rarely did these days. When they met and they had both been newly minted accountants, they had had so much fun going places together, being spontaneous. Flying off on a short break on a whim.
After they married the good life had continued, working and playing hard. Roger was on a fast-track promotion route and when Simon was born, it just made sense for Eleanor to give up her job and devote her time to looking after the baby and Roger. She became the perfect corporate wife. Coiffed, toned and tanned, despite producing two babies, two years apart. That had been their life ever since.
She had spoiled the boys, given them all her attention to make up for the fact that their father worked long days and often weekends. They repaid her by leaving their dirty clothes scattered on the floor wherever they took them off, just as they had done since they were children. They often took dishes of food they had asked for upstairs and rarely brought the empty plates down again. They hardly ever said thank you when she took them to sports practice and picked them up again. They seemed to think the clothes fairy picked up their things, washed and ironed them and replaced them neatly in their drawers.
Eleanor never chided them for their slovenliness. They were only children for such a short time, she told herself. Now, as she tossed the half-wrapped M&S robe on the chair in the hallway and set about preparing the Christmas lunch, she regretted letting them treat her like part of the furniture. To them, she was largely invisible, just a wispy outline behind the wheel of the Range Rover, a chauffeur come housekeeper.
The actual housekeeper, Mrs Jarvis, always tutted at her for letting them treat her with such disregard. Eleanor usually just gave a wan smile and a small, defeated shrug.
But today, Christmas Day, she felt differently. She took out the potatoes she had peeled the night before and left in a pan of water. She cut them into odd shapes so the corners would be sharp when they came out of the goose fat, all brown and crispy, and put them back into the pan in fresh water for par-boiling later.
She checked the turkey, which had been in the oven for some time already. It was basted in cranberry butter that she had forced under the skin for added succulence carefully following a Jamie Oliver recipe. Satisfied that everything was on track, she went up for a shower.
Eleanor paused at the top of the stairs listening to the various sounds coming from each boy's bedroom. Simon was strumming his acoustic guitar and 'singing' along as he played. Jonathan, her fifteen year old, was playing his new shoot 'em up game on his X-box. Neither of them had bothered to buy her a gift or a card.
She put her shoulders back, lifted her head up and crossed to the large bedroom suite she shared with Roger. It was beautifully fitted out and she had a large dressing table upon which sat her expensive Crème De La Mer moisturiser and her Chanel make-up bag.
She opened her top drawer and slid out a packet of blister-wrapped tablets, popping one out and swallowing it without water. Prozac, mother's little helpers. She sat to brush out her hair, feeling miserable and taken for granted.
Her face reflected in the mirror was unlined, thanks to regular non-surgical face-lifts and her honeyed bob had been perfectly highlighted and cut at Vidal Sassoon in Sloane Street just the day before. Securing it back with a band, she shrugged out of her robe and matching silk night-slip and crossed into the en-suite wet-room.
The water took seconds to heat up and Eleanor stepped under the powerful jets. Before she knew what was happening, before she could rationalise her misery any further, her face crumpled and huge tears rolled down her cheeks. Her head dipped forward, the fierce water jets wetting the hair she had meant to keep dry. Eleanor angrily snatched off the band keeping it back and threw it to the floor of the shower.
She knew what she was, she was a bloody Stepford wife and she hated it. She hated her life in a gilded cage, doing just what was expected of her while no one cared how she felt. She was 48 years old and a walking stereotype of a well-heeled woman.
Over the hammering of the water, she suddenly hear Roger calling, "Darling, are you almost finished? Mother will be here soon."
Bugger, she thought. Bloody Regina. Why couldn't the old bird just hurry up and die? Roger's mother always came for Christmas lunch. Regina was 79 years old, a widow of a more than a decade, after her own husband had worked himself into an early grave. She was the epitome of health and showed no signs of following her husband to the world beyond. Or the world below, more likely, thought Eleanor, grimly.
Read more by downloading the book for FREE or read it online - just choose your preferred format
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I also designed the cover which I hope captures the festive feeling that will soon be grabbing us all.
ELEANOR'S CHRISTMAS SURPRISE BY TANIA TIRRAORO
 |
| Click the image to go to the book page |
Under the robe, he wore pale blue cotton pyjamas that he preferred to be ironed, even though they were the non-iron variety. Roger was the chief financial officer of an insurance company in the City. He worked long hours and had amassed them a considerable fortune that had made it unnecessary for Eleanor to find paid employment ever since she'd given birth to the first of their two sons, now aged fifteen and seventeen.
The teenagers had returned to their lairs, otherwise known as their bedrooms, after they had ravaged the Christmas wrapping paper that she had so carefully folded over their expensive ipods, computer equipment and designer clothes that she had bought for them.
Roger was pleased with his aftershave, new leather briefcase and Cartier cufflinks. Eleanor was happy she didn't seem to have made any faux pas, present-wise.
"Darling, you haven't opened your present yet." Roger's voice broke through her thoughts. He indicated a bulky package that was far too neat to have been wrapped by him.
Eleanor smiled. "Thank you," she said, perching on the arm of the sofa as she carefully opened the parcel. Inside was a fluffy robe from...she cast a closer look at the label…Marks and Spencer. Eleanor's smile faltered and forced it to remain on her lips. "It's just what I wanted," she said, a little too brightly.
Seemingly satisfied, Roger went back to reading the sports section of yesterday's Telegraph. Eleanor felt like screaming. She had worked so hard to think of nice things to buy him. The briefcase had his initials embossed on it, the cufflinks had cost a small fortune.
Then she thought of the expensive Prada wallet she had bought for his personal assistant on his behalf. She knew without asking it wasn't Roger who had chosen the robe. She glanced at it again. Pale pink, size 16. Eleanor was a svelte size 10. She shouldn't be ungrateful, she told herself. Roger provides for us so well and she could always go and buy what she wanted whenever she wanted. But as she rose and turned away towards the kitchen, the long silk robe she had bought for herself just months before swishing around her, she couldn't stop her lower lip from trembling, just a little.
The problem, she reasoned, was the lack of thought that had gone into it. It wasn't that she had wanted something expensive, but it would have been nice if Roger had actually thought, just for a few moments, what she might like as a gift. He rarely did these days. When they met and they had both been newly minted accountants, they had had so much fun going places together, being spontaneous. Flying off on a short break on a whim.
After they married the good life had continued, working and playing hard. Roger was on a fast-track promotion route and when Simon was born, it just made sense for Eleanor to give up her job and devote her time to looking after the baby and Roger. She became the perfect corporate wife. Coiffed, toned and tanned, despite producing two babies, two years apart. That had been their life ever since.
She had spoiled the boys, given them all her attention to make up for the fact that their father worked long days and often weekends. They repaid her by leaving their dirty clothes scattered on the floor wherever they took them off, just as they had done since they were children. They often took dishes of food they had asked for upstairs and rarely brought the empty plates down again. They hardly ever said thank you when she took them to sports practice and picked them up again. They seemed to think the clothes fairy picked up their things, washed and ironed them and replaced them neatly in their drawers.
Eleanor never chided them for their slovenliness. They were only children for such a short time, she told herself. Now, as she tossed the half-wrapped M&S robe on the chair in the hallway and set about preparing the Christmas lunch, she regretted letting them treat her like part of the furniture. To them, she was largely invisible, just a wispy outline behind the wheel of the Range Rover, a chauffeur come housekeeper.
The actual housekeeper, Mrs Jarvis, always tutted at her for letting them treat her with such disregard. Eleanor usually just gave a wan smile and a small, defeated shrug.
But today, Christmas Day, she felt differently. She took out the potatoes she had peeled the night before and left in a pan of water. She cut them into odd shapes so the corners would be sharp when they came out of the goose fat, all brown and crispy, and put them back into the pan in fresh water for par-boiling later.
She checked the turkey, which had been in the oven for some time already. It was basted in cranberry butter that she had forced under the skin for added succulence carefully following a Jamie Oliver recipe. Satisfied that everything was on track, she went up for a shower.
Eleanor paused at the top of the stairs listening to the various sounds coming from each boy's bedroom. Simon was strumming his acoustic guitar and 'singing' along as he played. Jonathan, her fifteen year old, was playing his new shoot 'em up game on his X-box. Neither of them had bothered to buy her a gift or a card.
She put her shoulders back, lifted her head up and crossed to the large bedroom suite she shared with Roger. It was beautifully fitted out and she had a large dressing table upon which sat her expensive Crème De La Mer moisturiser and her Chanel make-up bag.
She opened her top drawer and slid out a packet of blister-wrapped tablets, popping one out and swallowing it without water. Prozac, mother's little helpers. She sat to brush out her hair, feeling miserable and taken for granted.
Her face reflected in the mirror was unlined, thanks to regular non-surgical face-lifts and her honeyed bob had been perfectly highlighted and cut at Vidal Sassoon in Sloane Street just the day before. Securing it back with a band, she shrugged out of her robe and matching silk night-slip and crossed into the en-suite wet-room.
The water took seconds to heat up and Eleanor stepped under the powerful jets. Before she knew what was happening, before she could rationalise her misery any further, her face crumpled and huge tears rolled down her cheeks. Her head dipped forward, the fierce water jets wetting the hair she had meant to keep dry. Eleanor angrily snatched off the band keeping it back and threw it to the floor of the shower.
She knew what she was, she was a bloody Stepford wife and she hated it. She hated her life in a gilded cage, doing just what was expected of her while no one cared how she felt. She was 48 years old and a walking stereotype of a well-heeled woman.
Over the hammering of the water, she suddenly hear Roger calling, "Darling, are you almost finished? Mother will be here soon."
Bugger, she thought. Bloody Regina. Why couldn't the old bird just hurry up and die? Roger's mother always came for Christmas lunch. Regina was 79 years old, a widow of a more than a decade, after her own husband had worked himself into an early grave. She was the epitome of health and showed no signs of following her husband to the world beyond. Or the world below, more likely, thought Eleanor, grimly.
Read more by downloading the book for FREE or read it online - just choose your preferred format
2 Dec 2011
Coming to terms with parenting teens
Tomorrow is my eldest son's 14th birthday. It already seems like he has been a teenager forever. He now stands a head taller than me and his voice is so deep I am constantly wondering who on earth is the strange man talking downstairs?
These physical changes have taken place over the past year and I, as his mother who has had 13 years of having two little boys, am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have one big boy (12) and one young man on my hands.
The job is made more complicated by their Asperger Syndrome. Which aspects of their behaviour are because they have AS and which is just because they are adolescent? It can be hard to tell.
It is also hard to change your parenting behaviour. While it is still necessary to give them firm boundaries as well as love, the position of the boundaries, by necessity, changes.
What is difficult is knowing which boundaries to change and where to move them to. Bedtimes have become more lax. Sometimes he will go for a shower unasked, sometimes he needs to be reminded to wash his hair because it needs it - after all he's getting used to having a new body and hormones as well. I suspect there are plenty of teens this applies to.
Communication is also something that is changing, in that he doesn't particularly want to, at least with us. He's often on Facebook chatting with his school-friends and I sometimes hear his deep voice talking on his mobile late in the evening.
The other week he had some friends over for a sleep-over before we took them paint-balling the next morning. They disappeared into the conservatory where they were sleeping. "Don't you want to watch TV?" I asked. "No, we're going to talk," he replied. When I remarked that he never talked to me, all the boys collapsed into what can only be described as Smash Alien-type laughter.
I know what they were talking about: girls - another area for worry. He goes to an all-boys school but they get together with girls from a nearby girls' school for theatrical productions. My son likes girls very much and they like him back - since he was six up until he went to the boys' school, he always received one or even two Valentine's Cards every year from smitten primary schoolgirls, much to my younger son's disgust.
I have decided the best thing to do about girls is...nothing. Unless he asks. I will just keep my eyes and ears open although as he tends to keep things to himself, this is a challenge.
I am working my way through Thomas Phelan's "Surviving Your Adolescents" and have found that I am making lots of mistakes - such as 'the insightful comment' hoping to instill my wisdom into him, usually when he's stuck in the car with me. This is apparently a no-no. Oops.
I'm also getting some things right as well, which is a relief not to be totally useless. I remember being a teenager and, I can promise you, I was a lot worse than he was and I turned out alright, I think.
I bought him a book, "The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide: The Real Deal on Girls, Growing Up and Other Guy Stuff". "I got this for you," I said, casually leaving it on the table. "You might like it, have a look if you want". I left it at that. It's now on or next to his bed, so it's apparently a hit.
Other boundaries haven't changed, for example, I try to make sure we eat together at the table as often as possible. We had a little talk the other day about how I was going to try to treat him in a more grown up way, although it was hard for me to adjust. Then I said that he would also need to take more responsibility for things within the family. He looked at me sharply. "I'm not that old," he said. I smiled to myself. It's a long journey, this growing up stuff.
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These physical changes have taken place over the past year and I, as his mother who has had 13 years of having two little boys, am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have one big boy (12) and one young man on my hands.
The job is made more complicated by their Asperger Syndrome. Which aspects of their behaviour are because they have AS and which is just because they are adolescent? It can be hard to tell.
It is also hard to change your parenting behaviour. While it is still necessary to give them firm boundaries as well as love, the position of the boundaries, by necessity, changes.
What is difficult is knowing which boundaries to change and where to move them to. Bedtimes have become more lax. Sometimes he will go for a shower unasked, sometimes he needs to be reminded to wash his hair because it needs it - after all he's getting used to having a new body and hormones as well. I suspect there are plenty of teens this applies to.Communication is also something that is changing, in that he doesn't particularly want to, at least with us. He's often on Facebook chatting with his school-friends and I sometimes hear his deep voice talking on his mobile late in the evening.
The other week he had some friends over for a sleep-over before we took them paint-balling the next morning. They disappeared into the conservatory where they were sleeping. "Don't you want to watch TV?" I asked. "No, we're going to talk," he replied. When I remarked that he never talked to me, all the boys collapsed into what can only be described as Smash Alien-type laughter.
I know what they were talking about: girls - another area for worry. He goes to an all-boys school but they get together with girls from a nearby girls' school for theatrical productions. My son likes girls very much and they like him back - since he was six up until he went to the boys' school, he always received one or even two Valentine's Cards every year from smitten primary schoolgirls, much to my younger son's disgust.
I have decided the best thing to do about girls is...nothing. Unless he asks. I will just keep my eyes and ears open although as he tends to keep things to himself, this is a challenge.
I am working my way through Thomas Phelan's "Surviving Your Adolescents" and have found that I am making lots of mistakes - such as 'the insightful comment' hoping to instill my wisdom into him, usually when he's stuck in the car with me. This is apparently a no-no. Oops.
I'm also getting some things right as well, which is a relief not to be totally useless. I remember being a teenager and, I can promise you, I was a lot worse than he was and I turned out alright, I think.
I bought him a book, "The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide: The Real Deal on Girls, Growing Up and Other Guy Stuff". "I got this for you," I said, casually leaving it on the table. "You might like it, have a look if you want". I left it at that. It's now on or next to his bed, so it's apparently a hit.
Other boundaries haven't changed, for example, I try to make sure we eat together at the table as often as possible. We had a little talk the other day about how I was going to try to treat him in a more grown up way, although it was hard for me to adjust. Then I said that he would also need to take more responsibility for things within the family. He looked at me sharply. "I'm not that old," he said. I smiled to myself. It's a long journey, this growing up stuff.
24 Nov 2011
Ten Tips- Both Practical and Profound
1. Nonno told me this: After you've opened a jar of olives, always add a dash of vinegar to the brine to stop the olives going mouldy. If you love olives, like I do, this is a very important tip.
2. Jayne told me this: Attach your house key to your car keys so you never leave home without it. This seemed obvious when she told it to me, AFTER I'd locked myself out.
3. Keep your mobile by your bed at night in case of emergency. If there's no electricity, your mains-powered house phone won't work.
4. Back up you important documents and photos to a remote online service. If your house burns down, your back up discs and drives will melt too... Try Google Docs and Picasa for free services. Your ISP may have one, but what if you change ISP?
5. Never put anything on Facebook you wouldn't mind the world knowing. Or your boss. Or your kids.
6. Now and then, take a moment to stop and really look at your kids - freeze frame their young faces in your mind. Because before you know it, they'll be grown.
7. Try to do something kind for someone every day. Sometimes, maybe even often, it should be for yourself.
8. Maya Angelou said in one of her books that she realised the first words out of her mouth whenever she saw her son were critical of him - small things like tidiness, state of hair etc. She resolved to change that. This takes determination, I have found!
9. Take a moment to think of yourself as others see you. Do you like what you see?
10. Tell your family often that you love them. After all, you never know what the day will bring.
Okay, these are my tips - what are yours?
14 Nov 2011
A word about your underwear, Madam..
Call me obsessive but I have a thing about underwear. For a start, it has to be matching - the top half to the bottom half and the underwear to the outerwear. Black bra and white top - how very dare you!
It's not expensive to have nice underwear and what's more, it makes you feel good. When the world has gone to hell in a handbag, at least you know if you get knocked over by a bus the nurses won't be sniggering in Accident & Emergency over your mismatched bra and pants. One less thing to worry about!
You may be the kind of person who love to choose underwear by the first thing you dragged out of your drawer - and if that's you, far be it from me to frog-march you down to M&S or even Tesco to get you kitted out to my satisfaction. Or you may think that matching underwear should be reserved for special occasions. I used to think this, until I decided that as you never know when your last day on Earth may be, you should treat every day like a special occasion.
I mean, come on ladies, what are you thinking with your seen-better-days grey cotton briefs and an elastic-all-but-gone ill-fitting bra? I know you're busy, but really, when you can order online or grab some while you're in the supermarket clothes aisle, there's no excuse.
Now, let me make it clear I'm not talking to our twenty-something younger sisters or even daughters here. Young women can pretty much get away with anything - they have youth and attitude on their side. But once you're past the first flush of youth, you might want to spare a thought for the state of your smalls. Comfort begins to take precedence after a certain age as well as practicality - but they don't have to mean ugly undies.
First, you need to leave the kids with your husband/parents/best friend and get yourself down to your local department store to be measured properly. There's nothing worse than spilling out at the top or a back-strap that's slid up to your shoulder blades.
These days there are specialist companies online that make bras for the larger lady (even regular companies go up to G cups), and you can get breast-feeding or post-surgery bras much more easily than you used to be able to do. But these groups aside who have particular needs - when was the last time you were properly measured?
The last time I was, I discovered that I was bigger in the front and smaller round the back than I thought I was - and boy, what a difference it made. You don't stay one size your whole adult life - dieting, pregnancy, age - they can all mean you end up with the wrong bra size.
And pants - now ladies, there's no point kidding yourself your bum is smaller than it is. Your knickers will just dig in, ride up and cling to your clothes - not a good look. There's no shame in buying a larger size to be more comfortable. I'm a UK6 (US,2) in jeans, but I always buy size UK12 underwear. They're just more comfortable. Don't ask me how a 12 fits inside a 6, but they do.
Also, there is NO excuse for VPL these days. You don't need to resort to a thong (unless you're aged 22 in which case comfy pants mean nothing to you). Marks & Spencer, Next, Debenhams and more - all have well-priced pants that sit invisibly under clothes.
And they don't last forever. Elastic loses its zing, so make sure you check them over every month to see if they really should be in the bin. I know it's sad and it seems wasteful but if they've lost their twang, they won't be doing a thing for you.
Style & Comfort matter too. I hate fussy bras whose seams you can see through your clothes. Next and other retailers have seam free technology that allow comfort and style to go together. They lie flat at the sides and round the back so your clothes don't cling to the outline of your back-strap.
For me, there's nothing worse than spending the day in uncomfortable underclothes or worrying that my clothes are revealing a bit too much about what's underneath. I might only be dressed casually in jeans and jumper - but I want them to look as good as they can and knowing that what's underneath is invisible, comfortable and most of all pretty, makes me feel pretty good too.
Read More »
It's not expensive to have nice underwear and what's more, it makes you feel good. When the world has gone to hell in a handbag, at least you know if you get knocked over by a bus the nurses won't be sniggering in Accident & Emergency over your mismatched bra and pants. One less thing to worry about!
You may be the kind of person who love to choose underwear by the first thing you dragged out of your drawer - and if that's you, far be it from me to frog-march you down to M&S or even Tesco to get you kitted out to my satisfaction. Or you may think that matching underwear should be reserved for special occasions. I used to think this, until I decided that as you never know when your last day on Earth may be, you should treat every day like a special occasion.
 |
| Next Lingerie, pretty & practical |
Now, let me make it clear I'm not talking to our twenty-something younger sisters or even daughters here. Young women can pretty much get away with anything - they have youth and attitude on their side. But once you're past the first flush of youth, you might want to spare a thought for the state of your smalls. Comfort begins to take precedence after a certain age as well as practicality - but they don't have to mean ugly undies.
First, you need to leave the kids with your husband/parents/best friend and get yourself down to your local department store to be measured properly. There's nothing worse than spilling out at the top or a back-strap that's slid up to your shoulder blades.
These days there are specialist companies online that make bras for the larger lady (even regular companies go up to G cups), and you can get breast-feeding or post-surgery bras much more easily than you used to be able to do. But these groups aside who have particular needs - when was the last time you were properly measured?
The last time I was, I discovered that I was bigger in the front and smaller round the back than I thought I was - and boy, what a difference it made. You don't stay one size your whole adult life - dieting, pregnancy, age - they can all mean you end up with the wrong bra size.
And pants - now ladies, there's no point kidding yourself your bum is smaller than it is. Your knickers will just dig in, ride up and cling to your clothes - not a good look. There's no shame in buying a larger size to be more comfortable. I'm a UK6 (US,2) in jeans, but I always buy size UK12 underwear. They're just more comfortable. Don't ask me how a 12 fits inside a 6, but they do.
Also, there is NO excuse for VPL these days. You don't need to resort to a thong (unless you're aged 22 in which case comfy pants mean nothing to you). Marks & Spencer, Next, Debenhams and more - all have well-priced pants that sit invisibly under clothes.
And they don't last forever. Elastic loses its zing, so make sure you check them over every month to see if they really should be in the bin. I know it's sad and it seems wasteful but if they've lost their twang, they won't be doing a thing for you.
Style & Comfort matter too. I hate fussy bras whose seams you can see through your clothes. Next and other retailers have seam free technology that allow comfort and style to go together. They lie flat at the sides and round the back so your clothes don't cling to the outline of your back-strap.
For me, there's nothing worse than spending the day in uncomfortable underclothes or worrying that my clothes are revealing a bit too much about what's underneath. I might only be dressed casually in jeans and jumper - but I want them to look as good as they can and knowing that what's underneath is invisible, comfortable and most of all pretty, makes me feel pretty good too.
10 Nov 2011
Boys safety threatened- Teachers and Police make swift response
Big drama at our boys' school yesterday. After a phone called threatened extreme violence against the school, the boys, who all have some type of special educational need, were speedily escorted to the large sports hall where they stayed along with staff, teachers and even the builders for the next five hours, protected by armed police and the police helicopter.
By all accounts, the boys behaved impeccably, despite the lack of lunch - even the catering staff had to seek sanctuary in the hall.
Parents were kept as informed as possible, given the circumstances, although we were understandably frantic, not knowing what was happening and if our sons were in any real danger.
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| Debbie Cox, Mum (Meridian TV) |
I would like to thank all our school's brilliant and talented teachers and staff and Surrey police who looked after our sons so admirably in an unexpected time of crisis.
The police response was swift and decisive - a lesson to anyone who thinks they can terrorise vulnerable children for any reason. The person who allegedly made the phone call was apprehended before the day had ended on suspicion of making threats to kill. I'm really not sure what makes anyone do such a thing or even if he had the means to carry out his threats, but our police officers are to be praised for their response.
Today, the teachers set about reassuring the boys. My own youngest, who has Asperger Syndrome, was so anxious that we kept him at home for a recovery day.
Today, Meridian Television put together a report on the incident featuring some of our boys, our Deputy Head, Andy Williamson and gorgeous mum, Debbie Cox (not Knox as titled!)
You can view the story here:
http://www.itv.com/meridian-west/threats-to-pupils47416/
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